A Few Simple Ways to Help Someone Experiencing Postpartum Depression

This post concludes my series on postpartum depression (PPD).  My first post was about my struggle with PPD.  The second post included tips and ideas for dealing with postpartum depression.  Today, I wanted to look at a few ways to help someone who is experiencing PPD.

Postpartum depression affects 1 in 10 women after having a baby.  It's likely that someone you know - a daughter, sister, friend, or acquaintance - has experienced or will experience PPD.  Here are a few risk factors and symptoms you might see in someone you love.

Risk Factors:
Major life changes: death, move, job change, etc.
Personal or family history of depression
Pregnancy, birth, or breastfeeding complications
Lack of support system
Financial worries
Marital strife
Lack of sleep

Symptoms to look for:
Feeling sad or depressed
Feeling angry
Eating too little or too much
Sleeping too much or too little
Not taking care of herself (showering, getting dressed, etc.)
Lack of interest in the baby
Trouble concentrating
Feeling hopeless
Possibly having thoughts of harming the baby or herself

There are many more risk factors and symptoms.  Check out Postpartum Support International for other risk factors, symptoms, and resources.

If your friend, sister, daughter, or other loved one is experiencing postpartum depression, here are a few ways you can help:

Don't disregard her feelings:  You may not understand them, but they are very real and can feel very scary to a new mom.  If you haven't experienced it yourself, it is easy to think someone should "just get over it."  That is definitely NOT what a mom with PPD needs to hear.  Allow her to talk about her struggles and just listen.

Help around the house:  Having a new baby is overwhelming by itself.  Adding postpartum depression on top of that can make things much more difficult.  Offer to cook, clean, or do laundry, so the mother doesn't have to worry about those things.

Watch the baby (and/or older children):  I would've given anything for a few hours of uninteruppted rest.  Volunteer to watch the baby at her home.  Especially if the mom is nursing, there won't be a lot of time for her to drop off the baby, go home to rest, and then come back to pick-up the baby. 

However, if there are older children, it might be helpful to take them somewhere.  That way she can sleep while the baby sleeps (if the baby sleeps)!

Point her to places where she can find help:  Like me, she may feel unable to seek help herself.  Do some of your own research.  Point her to a doctor, counselor, another mother who has experienced PPD, online resources, even my blog posts!

Back when we lived away from my mom, I had a very special friend who was the "grandma" I needed to make it through.  She provided many meals for us, and she would come over once a week to let me get out of the house and do something for me (and I am so thankful for her)!

Maybe God is calling you to provide the support someone else needs to make it through!

Tips and Ideas for Avoiding (or Overcoming) Postpartum Depression

Before my first child was born, I had not given much thought to postpartum depression (PPD).  I certainly never thought it would be part of my experience.  Yet, it was a defining period in my life (you can read more about my struggle here).  Today, I want to offer some tips and ideas to help pregnant and new moms.  Please remember, the ideas I share are based on my own experiences.  I am not a doctor, so please consult a doctor if you believe you may have postpartum depression.

Be proactive during pregnancy:  Statistics say that up to 70% of women will experience the "Baby Blues" after childbirth while 15% of women will go on to experience postpartum depression.  If you educate yourself before or during pregnancy, you will be in a better position to get the help you need right away.  One of the best things I did while pregnant (the 3rd time) was read a great book by Dean Raffelock entitled A Natural Guide to Pregnancy and Postpartum Health.  I learned so much about the role of nutrition, exercise, and hormones during and after pregnancy.  I changed how I was eating and exercising, and I also found and met with a doctor experienced in bio-identical hormone therapy.

Pamper yourself nutritionally:  Often, as soon as the baby is born, moms stop eating as healthfully as they did during pregnancy.  It is hard to meet all the needs of a newborn and cook nutritious meals, but it is essential!  One idea is to prepare and stock your freezer with healthy meals before the baby is born.  Also, keep many whole foods on hand for snacking (apples, carrots, almonds, etc.).  Try to avoid refined sugars and flour, as these may cause you to feel even more fatigued and have mood swings.  Add an omega 3 supplement or eat wild-caught salmon a few times a week.  Drink lots of water and continue taking your prenatal vitamin.

Pamper yourself emotionally and spiritually:  If you get a free moment or someone is watching the baby, do not do housework!  As a friend told me, "Housework can be done in the midst of chaos, but nourishing your soul needs a protected time."  Instead of chores, do something to "fill your cup."  Read a magazine or book, work on an art project or hobby, listen to music, enjoy a nice hot bath, pray, sleep, etc.  The point is to take time for you and do something special for yourself.

Get some exercise (and some sun):  There is no doubt it is difficult to squeeze in exercise when you have a new baby.  Especially after sleepless nights, the thought of exercising can be daunting.  A simple idea is to put the baby in a stroller and take a walk.  I would put my two older daughters in a stroller, strap the baby in a front carrier, and walk around the neighborhood.  Even though I received many stares and comments, it did wonders in elevating my mood!  Enlisting a friend to walk with can also be motivating.  An added benefit to walking outside is that you'll fulfill your need for sunlight (to soak up some vitamin D) and exercise at the same time! 

Find support:  A risk factor for postpartum depression is having a poor or non-existent support system.  Having a baby is challenging and it changes your life in so many ways.  If your baby has sleep issues or is colicky, you also have a greater chance to suffer.  Surround yourself with people who can help and don't be afraid to ask for help.  If someone offers to do something, say "thank you" and let them!  You don't have to make others think you have it all together.  If you're human, you don't!  Churches, MOPS groups, and other mother's groups are great places to find support.

Speak out:  Please, please, please do not suffer silently.  It will take courage, but you must speak out to get the help you need.  I wasted so much time and missed so many sweet experiences because I hid in fear and shame. Your child is only a baby once!  Don't miss this special time when there are conventional and alternative treatments that can help.  Seek out a doctor who will listen to you and consider finding a counselor, a pastor, or a women who has experienced PPD to help you navigate through the experience.

Excellent resources to help you include:

Postpartum Support International is an excellent website about postpartum depression.  It can connect you with helpful people and resources.

The Happiest Baby on The Block DVD by Dr. Harvey Karp has an amazing method for soothing newborns.  I had the book, but found the DVD more helpful because I could actually see Dr. Karp's technique.  I don't want to be overdramatic, but it changed my life!  I often give it as a gift or share it with pregnant and new moms.

A Natural Guide to Pregnancy and Postpartum Health by Dean Raffelock, Robert Rountree, and Virginia Hopkins was also a lifechanging book for me.  This book is devoted to showing you how to care for yourself during and after pregnancy.  I can't recommend it enough!

The Mother-to-Mother Postpartum Depression Support Book by Sandra Poulin is a collection of stories from women who have experienced PPD.  In my experience, there is a stigma attached to postartum depression and people want to hide it or not talk about it (myself included).  This is an excellent resource to help you know you are not alone.

Living Beyond Postpartum Depression: Help and Hope for the Hurting Mom and Those Around Her by Jerusha Clark shares the author's experience of PPD.  It also explores the emotional, physical, and spiritual aspects of the illness from a Christian perspective.






If you have any questions or need encouragement, please feel free to contact me here.  Next Sunday, I'll finish my series with ideas on how to offer support to moms struggling with postpartum depression.

Spirited Sunday: My Battle with Postpartum Depression

So, I really didn't want to write this post.  I've been struggling with the idea of it for some time.  Most of my posts are general in nature and don't deal much with my personal experience, but I truly believe God has been laying this on my heart.  If you are reading this blog, you probably have friends with new babies, you have a new baby, or you work with children whose moms have new babies.  I have been silent about my experience for six years, but I believe God is calling me to share.  Maybe this "Spirited Sunday" post will reach someone who is struggling!  If you or someone you know is dealing with postpartum depression, feel free to share this.  Here's a small part of my story...

I had heard about women who struggled with postpartum depression, but I never expected to be one of them.  And yet, looking back, all the risk factors were there.  I had an amazing amount of stress in my life:  my dad died (at age 49) when I was five months pregnant, I had to quit my job, my husband finished school and started a new job, we moved to a new town, and then I had my first baby.  She was almost two weeks overdue and born after ten hours of induced labor via emergency c-section.  After my mom saw her, she remarked, "I've never seen a newborn so alert."  What an understatement!  My description of her was hyper-alert.  At her two week appointment, I remember sobbing and sobbing because I thought she didn't seem like other newborns.  Weren't "normal" newborns supposed to sleep a little?  She spent all her time crying.  I remember taking her to my mom's house when she was three weeks old.  It was an agonizing three hour drive -- she cried for almost all of it.

And so the depression began.  I couldn't see an end to the baby's crying (she was quite colicky until about four months).  I barely slept, and the sleep I did get was so fragmented it was almost worthless.  I had thoughts of sending her away until she was older.  I would get in the car and imagine myself driving off the road and wrecking, so I wouldn't have to hear any more crying.  There were terrible moments of panic and fear.  I really thought I was losing my mind.  In the middle of all the night wakings, I would scream and curse (if you know me at all, you know this isn't me and doesn't really fit my personality).  It was so agonizing.  I could not shake it, and I couldn't seem to change it.  I kept crying out to God, but I was in the darkest night of my soul I had ever experienced.  (Writing it down now sounds so terrible, but I promised myself I would be honest.  I believe there is someone out there going through this right now who needs to know someone else has been there.)  Everything was fuzzy, and I really didn't believe I would make it through.  I knew I needed help, but I felt powerless to find it.  I was way too embarrassed.  I mean, I had a beautiful baby -- shouldn't I be happy?

The extremely sad part is I never did get the help I needed, and I suffered through it for almost a year.  We wanted more children, but I was absolutely terrified at the thought of going through that again.  But by the time our oldest was 17 months old, I was pregnant again.  You would think I would've learned, but I suffered silently again.  The depression with my second one wasn't nearly as intense as before.  I had a little better support system, and it didn't last as long.  I was back to myself (well, as "back to myself" as I could be with two little children) when our second child was six months old.  And then guess what?  I found myself expecting again when she was just eight months old.  I was in shock, but I was determined to get help this time.

I was very proactive even before the baby was born.  I was not going to go through it again.  I really think if I had suffered through it a third time, I would've tried to end my life.  It was incredibly devastating for me.  Plus, having three children ages three and under was difficult enough without adding postpartum depression to the mix!  With my third pregnancy, I took a non-conventional approach.  I found an amazing book called A Natural Guide to Pregnancy and Postpartum Health by Dean Raffelock.  I followed a lot of the nutritional advice.  I also had my hormone levels tested and took bio-identical hormones after the baby was born.  After the test, my doctor told me I "had the hormone levels of an 80 year old woman.  No wonder you feel terrible."  (If that's what I'll feel like when I'm 80, I'm not convinced I want to get there!)  Anyway, it made all the difference in the world.  I know it is a "controversial" approach, but I truly believe it worked for me.

Postpartum depression has a way of sucking all the life out of you.  I look back with deep regret.  I didn't even get to enjoy my first two babies.  All those sweet little moments I had with Sunshine (my third baby), I don't remember having with my oldest ones.  It makes me wistful, but it also makes me angry.  I can't get those wasted days back, but maybe God can use me to help someone else avoid or make it safely through postpartum depression.  No one should have to suffer silently. 

If you or someone you know is struggling with postpartum depression, please check out Part 2 and Part 3 of the series.